Bubblegum Pink

She wore shoes for a doll and a bow fit for a child.

Her eyes were big, like she could always see more than you.

Her nails were always pink, sometimes she switched it up with hues of red.

She never spoke in class-

Unless it was small whispers shared with the other two.

The second and third were forgettable. 

Two more rich girls added to the plethora the school hoarded. 

They matched her bows.

They matched her laughter.

They desperately tried to copy her.

I wanted to be one of them.

They were content.

They were carefree. 

They were magnetic.

The shades of pale pinks and dusty lavenders were immaculate.

Their perfectly pressed whites were a true show of a sort of put-togetherness I didn’t have.

Everyone said hello to them,

And turned to sneer at me.

Everyone envied them,

While they pitied me.

I knew I wasn’t charismatic or rich or funny or smart.

I somehow both faded into the background and stood out like a sore thumb. 

Why did they have everything and I didn’t?

I saw them in class.

She walked passed me

And smelled like vanilla cupcakes.

As I gazed into her aurora she smiled at me

And my heart blossomed.

Notice me notice me notice me notice me notice me notice me.

I saw them in the stairwell.

The hundred-something wood creaking under every step.

The second and third stared at me with empty eyes.

And she smiled at me.

I saw them in the dining hall.

All three looking at me,

Like three doe-eyed deer.

No-

Like three scavenger birds waiting for me to die.

The sun and moon continued to cycle as my world stayed stagnant.

Until deep red fingers tapped my shoulder.

She stood before me.

The girl I envied and worshiped.

The girl I envisioned walking behind her in perfect rehearsed fashion.

The girl with the croquette outfit, lilac bow, and amber eyes. 

She spoke in a voice that reminded me of fog in a forest.

Light and airy,

Mysterious and whimsical.

I ate with Her.

I giggled with Her.

Two and Three sewed me into a new doll.

I happily accepted the white nails and short skirts.

I smiled when She smiled at me and laughed when Two and Three laughed. 

We read by candlelight.

We cooed and groomed one another.

We talked in shallow whispers about others.

Now I was receiving smiles and attention-

The good kind.

Now I worshiped the ground She walked on

And happily followed the other girls. 

We were excited for the full moon-

I asked why.

The original three laughed at me.

I didn’t know!What didn’t I know?Were we going stargazing on a soft blanket?Would we read each other's tarot under the blue light of the moon?

Even better

They said.

We went to Her room.

I had never been.

It was neat as a pin.

It was at the very top of the school.

She was alone with just us, and the moon.

Two and Three grabbed me and we danced.

She watched us with amber eyes.

She smiled as she watched her followers worship her every step.

She laughed as we laughed,

Dancing in circles like small rabbits in a clearing. 

The night dawned on.

Our fun only grew. 

The excitement only grew. 

For what I didn’t know.

But I would never question Her.

Candles were lit,

Red wine was poured.

They taught me everything.

The hymns the chants the rituals.

They said I was one of them now.

We laughed when the living beasts were cut from head to toe.

We sang as loud as we could.

It was just us.

Just us.

And after that night,

I was Four.

And I had red nails just like Her.